Finally Made It Through The Lonely

Monday, November 07, 2011

Have you ever had that feeling where you just want to quit work and sleep all day beside the person you love? Well, I'm saying this not in a romantic sense but in the perspective of a 20-something professional who just got tired of what's she's doing and what she's about to do next, so the next best option is to cuddle and sleep with that person who's always been there for her. Her you say? Yes, because that person is me.

Phew. I typed that sentence spontaneously, not thinking if I'll be having typos or what have you. I feel tired. More like, sick and tired of everything especially work. It's not that the location (as of now) is too far, it's not the people I work with, it's not the money, it's not the food in the pantry, I just got tired.

I overthink all the time and I won't even bother to deny that. When I see photos of previous friends and classmates from college, and they're currently pursuing another degree or probably taking up medicine or law without having to work at the same time, I feel jealous. Was I less of a student, better yet a person while we were in college? Why is he/she more glorified than I am was when he was a slut and she drank beer all night. I know I shouldn't be feeling that way, but I guess I keep on thinking that life's unfair. That while other people are struggling with work and life, others keep on complaining how the atmosphere in Starbucks is not conducive for learning.

This post is very inconsistent.

I feel bad, so bad. Like the kind of bad that's so irritating you would want to drown me in hell or high water because I'll keep on talking until my gentle heart stops from beating so loud. Why do I feel like I'm so useless as a person. I may be a working professional, but that post took a lot from me. i'm not even enjoying what I do. I'm satisfied yes, but not happy. It pays my food, it gives me fare, it takes me places but it doesn't make me happy. Do I need a change of career? Lovey has been telling me I do. I'm just too scared to leave this industry because I've been so familiar with how it works and I've been so used to the fast-paced industry. I love how I get to take my break anytime I want, how long I want it to be so long as I finish my work at the end of the week. I'm scared that I won't have those privileges once I leave. I'm scared that I won't be called "Boss" anymore once I leave. I'm scared that leaving this industry will lead me into the realization that the things I learned here are not enough to make me a "Boss" in a different industry. I'm scared.

But I guess if I keep on getting scared I won't be a journalist in the crowded but beautiful New York City someday. I won't be able to rent my own apartment and spend New Year with lovey at Times Square. I guess I have to overcome this fear. It will take time. I hope what i'm putting into writing isn't going to be stuck here. i'm hoping really hard I can take this into practice.

If it doesn't make you happy, think everything through, there's probably something wrong.

I may have cleared that part but all the other aspects of my life i still feel dazed, rattled and confused. More like "magulo" just like how my hair is on this photo. 

You Might Also Like