I've always had a love-hate relationship with my body. I remember calling Marie France (an aesthetic clinic) when I was 12, asking how much a scar removal would cost because I was a pre-teen who couldn't imagine wearing a bikini because of all my chickenpox scars. I also wanted a boob job and I wanted to have fair skin. I wanted to change so many things and I was never really quite satisfied with my body. A lot of factors come into play--media's portrayal of beauty, how society defines beauty and the environment I grew up in that that really just highlighted these insecurities. From whitening products, to the media's portrayal of what a beautiful woman should look like. I'd see this in magazine, newspapers--everywhere and I wanted that. 

It's been years since that phone call but I ended up taking those insecurities with me going as far as seriously considering surgery and incessant dieting throughout the years. I've always been skinny but when you see a different standard of beauty on the media, you always want to be skinnier. My body before was okay but I would go on crash diets all the time and I feel that it ultimately ruined my metabolism. It became harder and harder for me to lose weight as I ate less--and my last straw at this was when in 2017 while I was on Keto. I was eating solely protein and fat and didn't realize how it was affecting my mental health. I was always hungry and drunk because it was becoming too much. I weighed 39kgs when I finally decided to stop because I realized it wasn't sustainable. I binged hard after that. I wanted all the carbs I lost and overate all the time--this went on for 2yrs which eventually led to my heaviest weight--60kgs.